i already lost the passion of writing dairies online..

today i got the feel but i know it wont last so i will online visit my blog when i feel like saying things.

All the things related to you are kept well in a box, i was hurting so much that day when i knife open the box to retrieve my jersey, the emotion rush up instantly when i took out the jersey and smell them, i thought the smell will be gone by then after Yoke has pass to me so long ago.

its been close to 10months since we have separated..
i thought i was okay without you like how i was before Prom..
i'm still as active, still as childish, still smiling..
but i didn't know your scent would cause me to break down,
i used to love seeing you in my volleyball jersey, you look so good in my jersey, and i guess i still do..
i used to lie so close next to you, on my bed, in your arms. your scent, i still remember them, once my favorite smell..

how i wish you were dead when you are still loving me like how corey is dead.
how i wish you were a badass who has an affair with another woman and left me.
how i wish you have family issues that you have to leave me.
but no, its all wishes. love has already gone, forever.

i really wish that i would get into a accident, losing memories of the past 1year10months memories or even better, all the unhappiness. sometimes i really wish i was like my friends, who is so cheerful, so happy go lucky, so naive and gullible so i wont over think, i can then always be okay.. :)

Baby, I Love You.; 5:01:00 PM